Coffee. Just Coffee

When my job was eliminated at the end of 2020, my constant thought was worry about coffee. I love good coffee. Will not drink instant. Coffee must be a dark roast and brewed strong. I choose the setting called "strong" to make sure. I buy my favorite, good coffee and brew it as strong as I can make it at home. It's not about the caffeine. It's about the coffee.

So, my constant thought when I realized I would no longer receive a predictable paycheck? "What if I can no longer supply myself with good coffee?" the thought woke me from a sound sleep.

I find it interesting my fears did not extend to the mortgage, insurance, and utility bills. I know we, my husband and I, would find ways to pay those. We are both hugely responsible people. My worry did not extend to the everyday. My worry was about the extra, the special, my coffee.

I started buying good coffee for myself to brew at home when I reached a certain milestone financially. It was a gift I gave to myself for my hard work. I promised myself, "I will always have good coffee at home. I have earned it." The change in job status threatened to take that away. Hence, the tremendous worry. Good coffee is intrinsically tangled in my self-care and well being.

Bliss to me is:

• savoring a cup of delicious hot brew in the quiet morning of a cold, winter day looking out at the sweetly falling snow, looking for bunny tracks, scanning the yard for glimpses of the red of the my cardinal friends, husband and wife, who live in one of our trees.

• sitting in my garden in Spring or Summer holding a flavored brew - Hawaiian hazelnut, Southern pecan, cinnamon hazelnut, vanilla creme brulee (the coffee beans are flavored. No flavored creamers for me.) Sometimes, I drink it hot, sometimes it is spiced with cinnamon or nutmeg, sometimes I drink it iced.

• drinking from mugs that match the seasons. I anticipate, with great excitement, the emergence of the hummingbird mug in Spring, or the red-flowered mug in the summer, or the many ,many holiday mugs in November and December. I am especially exhilarated when I bring out my Christmas mug with the picture of my heart dog, Sammi, standing patiently in a red, cloth Christmas sac. Joy! My son, Owen, said he was too old to be featured on the family Christmas card. But my daughter, Sammi the dog, had no such qualms. Everyone received a photo of Sammi that year.

• fall. The earthy , spicy flavors in my coffee bring me satisfaction, comfort, and joy. The radiant colors flashing in the trees while I walk the dog, all of us sporting light jackets or sweaters. And, knowing that warm, spicy coffee is waiting at home for me.

My dream of bliss? Drinking coffee in any of these ways or at times with people I love. This dream persists. I receive a taste of it once each year (for the last two years) when we vacation with my wonderful sisters, Sue and Chris. My husband does not drink coffee and my son lives away from us in his own apartment. I long for coffee companions.

Each of those vacation mornings, we wake up, join each other at a table outside, and sip coffee. We welcome the day in community and togetherness.

It's the little things that make me happy. The little things for which I long when I am sad. The little things I miss the most. The little things that bring joyful memories and new happiness.